Holiday Placement Tips for Parents

The holidays are here at last and we all have one desire: To celebrate with family and friends. Children and adults alike share this interest; however, it doesn’t always come so easy for those who are caught in the middle of a custody and/or placement dispute. Many parents are subject to custody and placement arrangements with their children but it does not always quell the symptoms of co-parenting disputes. If you or someone you know is faced with a holiday placement dispute, there are several things to remember when trying to keep the peace.

First, always be cognizant of the placement schedule set in your court order. It is important to remember that the normal placement schedule and the holiday schedule operate separate from one another. In the case of a holiday placement dispute, the holiday schedule set forth in the court order will always take precedence over the normal placement schedule (unless the parties agree otherwise). If the parties agree to deviate from the court ordered holiday placement schedule, make sure that this is reduced to writing to avoid any future (s)he said/(s)he said” problems.

Unfortunately, even if a court order sets out a specific schedule for holiday placement, that does not necessarily prevent issues from popping up between the parents. One parent may decide to act contrary to the holiday schedule and keep the child from the other parent. In this case, there are a few different options the other parent may have here. Option one would be for the parent being denied placement to keep a journal highlighting each time a dispute or not agreed upon deviation from the schedule arises. This journal should contain detailed notes about what happened on specific dates. This is helpful to provide to your attorney should you decide to take the issue into court. Option two would be to involve law enforcement. The parent being denied placement will need to provide authorities with a copy of the placement schedule proving that the other parent is withholding placement and the schedule should be followed. In most cases, contacting law enforcement should be a last resort unless there is a legitimate threat to the safety of the child.

In most cases, the court order will feature a specific holiday placement schedule; however, what happens when the original court order does not specify a holiday placement schedule? It is understood that courts typically like to see an alternating placement schedule. For example, if mom were to have placement on Christmas day this year, dad would get Christmas day placement next year and the pattern would continue this way. From the perspective of the Court, Christmas Eve is generally seen as a separate holiday from Christmas day. To allude to the previous example, during a year where mom might have Christmas Day placement, dad would likely have placement on Christmas Eve. It is important for both parents to put equal effort into exercising placement schedules that will be most beneficial for their children.

The most important thing to remember is that the children should always come first. The children are most affected in placement disputes so parents should be mindful to keep a positive atmosphere for the children. That being said, all of us at Nelson, Krueger & Millenbach would like to wish you and your family a safe and happy holiday season.

Handling The Holidays When Parents Have Family Law Issues

We have addressed this topic in our blog several times before. However, as the holidays are approaching again, we believe that it is an extremely relevant and important topic which deserves additional attention.

Managing holiday schedules can be cumbersome for any parent. When parents of minor children are facing family law issues or divorce, scheduling family gatherings during the holidays is often more complicated. In divorce, courts focus on the best interests of the children to determine child custody and placement matters. It may be difficult for parents who are at odds with each other to apply that standard in the way that courts do during a contentious divorce. Focusing on the children, however, in making holiday arrangements, instead of focusing on parental disputes, may provide a positive framework for easing strains in scheduling holiday events. Here are some tips parents may use to help keep the peace during the holidays:

Plan ahead – with communication

It is important to make arrangements well in advance of the holidays, while communicating the details with the other parent. Leaving sufficient time to work out disputes, possibly with the help of a lawyer, can help to avoid unwanted consequences. Realize that your attorney may have his or her own family obligations during the holidays. Waiting to the last minute to discuss arrangements with the other parent is likely to produce conflict which cannot be easily resolved.

Follow any court ordered parenting time schedules

While circumstances may change as the holidays approach, any court ordered placement plan should be followed in absence of an alternative agreement. If disputes or deviations from the plan unexpectedly arise, makes notes about what happened to have a record to accurately explain the facts to your lawyer when the holidays are over.

Avoid badmouthing the other parent

Badmouthing the other parent, or allowing the children to speak poorly about the other parent, should always be avoided. Be mindful of the fact that your child will have a continuing relationship with  the other parent. Moreover, your child should not be placed in the middle of your dispute with the other parent. It is important to understand that your child may miss the other parent, and other extended family members, when separated during a holiday. You should support your child during a difficult time. Allowing the child time to connect with the other parent over the phone or through other electronic means can ease tensions.

Keeping positive sends a strong message to children

Spend your parenting time positively with your child to foster a loving environment. Focusing on your child and remaining positive during the holidays can help you to create new memories that your children will cherish.

If you are considering filing for divorce, or expect your spouse to file after the holidays are over, it may be prudent to seek guidance. If you have any questions regarding your family law matter, please contact our office at 414-258-1644 to schedule a free initial office consultation.

Holiday Placement with Children

With the holiday season upon us, we often see placement disputes.  It is important to follow your judgment of divorce or paternity when it comes to holiday placement.  The holiday schedule set forth in the court order takes precedence over regularly scheduled placement and should be followed except upon mutual agreement.

If you do not have a specific holiday schedule, the courts typically find that holidays should alternate which means whoever had the last holiday has the next upcoming holiday.  Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are separate holidays and each parent should see the children on one of those days.  The same is true with New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day.  However, if the family of one parent has a typical tradition (i.e. always Christmas Eve), then that parent should receive that holiday assuming the other parent also doesn’t have family traditions on that day.

Please keep in mind that in disputes, the children are the ones who suffer.  They have the right to spend holidays with both parents and to see and spend time with both sides of their families.

Happy holidays to you.